I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ladies don't puke and tell
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
