It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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