Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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