I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
