Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
