I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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