The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
