I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
