At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
