I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
do nipples grow back?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
