when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
