New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
