I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
