Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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