My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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