i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
