don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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