Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
