The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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