the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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