He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize