i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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