dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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