you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I touched a dick in church today
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
