I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
