You just made me feel so damn special
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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