i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
