I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
