I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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