Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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