Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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