You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
