I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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