People in love make me want to vomit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
