That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
