just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
