Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
