if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
