The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
