I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
