you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I deserve this hangover.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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