I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
