I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
