I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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