yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
