just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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