I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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