if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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