he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
