I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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