Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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