My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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