Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize