you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
