I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
