Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
