She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
