haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My cat gives me a boner
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
