Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
