Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
