I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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