i already hear my dad disowning me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
