a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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