none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
