please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
