so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize