you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
