You're my little dorito
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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