then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
