I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
