How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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