I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
