And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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