people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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