Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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