oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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