drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
