how can u be prego again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
