I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
