If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize