so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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