Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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